Please don't take anything said here to heart...This is something that has always been funny, good hearted humor...Don't lose a lug nut over any of it!

ACURA

Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile

Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

Awful, Crappy, Unreliable, Rusty Automobile

Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents

All Cars Usually Require Adjustment

Any Child Understands Real Automobiles

Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents

Always Catching Up, Rarely Ahead

AMC

All Makes Combined

A Major Cost

A Mutated Car

A Moron's Car

Another Major Catastrophe

Another Mess of Crap

AUDI

Another Ugly Deutsche Invention

Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence

Accelerates Under Demonic Influence

Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW

Babbling Mechanical Wench

Beastly Mechanical Wonder

Big Money Waste

Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

Bought My Wife

Brings Me Women

Break My Window

Broken Monstrous Wonder

Beautiful Mechanical Wonder

Big Money Works

Brutal Money Waster

BUICK

Butt Ugly Import Car Killer

Butt Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer

Butt Ugly In Central Kentucky

Built Under the Inspection of a Crazy Korean

Bought Understanding It Can't Kickbutt

CHEVROLET

Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

Car Has Extensive Rattle On Long Trips

Can Hear Every Valve Rattle Over Loud Engine Tapping

Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

Crap Heap Enormously Vunerable Runs On Luck Every Time

CHRYSLER

Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs

Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's

Collection of Half Realized Yet Somehow Likeable Engineering Research

Company Has Recommended You Start Learning Engine Repair

DODGE

Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter

Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere

Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere

Dangerous On Days Gears Engage

Death Overcomes Driver's Generous Ego

Driven Only During Grey Evenings

Dead On Delivery, Go Easy

Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired

Department Of Defense's Grossest Error

Don't Over Drive Gutless Engine

Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater

Dear Old Dad's Garage Experiment

FORD

F**ked over rebuilt Dodge

Flip over read directions

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Rockville Dump

Fails On Rainy Days

Fastest On Race Day

Fastest On Road Daily

First On Race Day (proven false)

Fourth On Race Day

First On Recall Day

First On Road to Dump

First On Rust and Deterioration

Found On Road Dead

Found On Rubbish Dump

Four Old Rusty Doors

Fool Only Runs Downhill

Driver Returns On Foot (backwards)

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

Features O.J. and Ron's DNA

Fatally Obese Redneck Driver

Freaky Obsolete Racing Device

Fireball On Rear Denting

Fork Over Repair Dough

Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed

Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable

Forward Only, Reverse Defective

Forced On Reluctant Drivers

GMC

Garage Mechanics Companion

General Mass of Crap

Generally Mediocre Cars

Got a Mechanic Coming

Got More Crap

Get More Chicks

Great Muscle Cars

Garage Man's Companion

Gotta Mechanic Coming?

HONDA

How Odd-No Damn Acceleration

Hold Overs Not Doing Anything

Hell Of a Nice Damn Automobile

Hand Over Dollars to Asians

Had One Never Did Again

Honest, Officer, Nobody Drank Anything

Hallmark of Non-Descript Automobiles

HYUNDAI

Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive

JEEP

Just Eats Every Part

Just Everyone Elses Parts

Just Empty Every Pocket

Junk Engineering Executed Poorly

MAZDA

Most Always Dangerously Zipping Along

Making A Zillion Dollars Annually

MOPAR

Made Of Plastic And Rubber

Most Often Passed At Races

Most Often Proven At the Racetrack

Most OverPowered And Respected

Massively OverPowered And Respected

Mostly Old Parts And Rust

Mostly Old Paint And Rust

Mounds Of Power And Revs

Move Over, Pentastar Approaching Rapidly

Masters Of Performance and Racing

Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars

My Old Pig Ain't Running

My Old Pig Always Roars

My Old Plymouth Ain't Runnin

More Overall Performance And Reliability

Mostly Obsolete Parts Assembled Randomly

Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously

My Only Problems Are Repairs

Move Over People Are Racing

OLDSMOBILE

Oh Look, Dammit! Some Massive Oil Burning Idiot's Leaking Everything

Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Everyday

Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PLYMOUTH

Please Let Your Mother Out Under The Hood

Police Laugh, Young Men Ogle, all Underestimating This Heap

PORSCHE

Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

Piece Of Retired Scrap, Continually High Expense

Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions

Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough

Pity Only Rich Suckers Can Have 'Em

SAAB

Send Another Automobile Back

Slick As A Brick

Swedish Auto - Always Broken

Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown

Swedish Auto's Are Best

Sad Attempt At Beauty

Sorry Auto, Always Broken

Shape Appears Ass-Backward

SATURN

Sorry About That Unexpected Recall Notice

SUBARU

Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium

TOYOTA

Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto

Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All

Transportation Of Young Or Tasteless Airheads

Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass

The One You Ought To Avoid

VW

Virtually Worthless